From Rachel's Heart...
Friday, April 30, 2010
I’m writing this morning’s blog through my tears because I just read a story that is almost unbearably close to my story, but with a different ending. And, I want to share it with you this morning.
Wendy’s husband forwarded a link to me that told the story of Todd Smith (member of the band Selah) and his wife, Angie. You can read about their story in the blog that Angie wrote click here and where they talk about the band and album click here. I highly recommend that you read both links to get the full story. Ultimately, Todd and Angie heard the same news that we heard at their 20-week ultrasound in January of 2008. And, like us, they were told to terminate the baby’s life, which they also chose not to do. But unlike us, when they carried their baby to term, she died.
I have to be really honest with you all today and tell you that I sometimes feel very guilty that Isabella was healed so dramatically when I read stories like this. This man is a member of the Christian band Selah and is obediently serving the Lord through his music. He already had a platform where God’s miracles could be broadcast to millions and yet God did not choose to save their baby like he saved ours. The stories are really identical and happened at exactly the same time. Everything is nearly the same, except for the outcome.
When I tell our story to others, I used to be so afraid that someone was going to come up and say, “That same thing happened to me and my baby died. Why did God only answer your prayers?” And, I used to be afraid of that because it has happened before. I have been in a conversation with a couple who lost a child after months of praying and it caused the father to lose his faith in God. And as I spoke with them, he angrily demanded that I defend my God. He fired angry questions at me like: Why was I so privileged to have my baby saved, while God let his child die? How do I explain that? How does God let children die? Why am I even comfortable with a God like that? Why did God not save my child like he saved your child?
All I can say to that last question is I don’t know. And I know that it is easier for me to sit here and say I don’t know when I got my miracle and you may sitting there with pain. But honestly, I just don’t know. I don’t know why God chooses to do somethings and not do others. And, I have had my fair share of times where God has revealed a different plan than I may have desired at first. But, I have learned that His ways are truly higher and that we will not always understand them, miracle or no miracle.
Todd and Angie’s story has really hit me today and I hope you take time to read it. And, what has particularly hit me is what Todd says about how they dealt with the pain afterwards. And Todd said the following that I will leave you with today:
“Amidst unimaginable grief, the Smiths and their extended family had a foundational choice to make. Explains Todd, “What were we going to choose to believe? Is God going to be the God of just the good times, or is He also good and faithful in this horrific time that we just don’t understand? We chose to trust Him. And it’s not been easy, there have been—and still are—major ups and downs, but we believe He is good.”
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Okay, I’m adding another blog entry today because I logged onto Facebook and saw that this week’s Women of Faith Wednesday Blog Hop asked the following question: Have you ever experienced any miracles in your life?
Okay really, how could I pass that question up??
For those of you who follow our blogs and our site, then you know the answer to that question and even the name of our site reflects that we’ve experienced a miracle. My daughter Isabella is that miracle and for those of you who do not know the story, please read about it under About Us. As you will see, Isabella did not have kidneys when we saw her on her 20 week ultrasound and the doctors told us to abort her. There were four pieces of evidence that led to that strong recommendation. First, they couldn’t see them on the ultrasound. Second, there was no blood flow to the region where the kidneys would be. Third, I had no amniotic fluid which is an indicator of kidney functioning. And finally, her adrenal glands were in the “laying down position.” What that means is that they were lower than they were supposed to be and not laying on anything (the adrenal glands typically lay on the kidneys). So, the doctors diagnosed our baby with bilateral renal agenesis. Basically, her kidneys had not been created.
As you can imagine, it is devastating to hear the news that your baby will not live when she is born. It is even more devastating to hear that you need to terminate her. There are more details to the story that I have shared in the complete version under About Us and I strongly recommend that you read the entire story because what you will see is that there were numerous other problems with her. You will also see that we chose not to abort her and we prayed fervently with our friends and family for the situation, our decision, and our family. And, while I certainly prayed for healing of our baby, I also just prayed that the Lord would get us through this situation, whatever the outcome may be.
Much like God created the world ex nihilo (out of nothing), the Lord created Isabella’s kidneys out of nothing also. Out of absolutely nothing, God created her kidneys and they appeared much later in the pregnancy. And, the doctors were stunned. They really don’t know what happened. But, I know.
Her miracle was very powerful for so many reasons. But one of the main reasons that it was powerful is because it radically changed our perspective and led to the decisions that we are making today to leave our fast paced, career focused lives in Baltimore for a slower, more God-focused life in a small town in rural Virginia. This experience also started a friendship with Wendy, co-founder of After the Miracle, that is simply priceless.
And together, we have felt committed to sharing our struggles and our relationships with the Lord on this site. We created this page to share our journeys with you in hopes that you can be blessed and encouraged by watching our journeys with God after the miracle.
So, this week’s question is, Have you ever experienced any miracles in your life? To that, I say an emphatic yes.
So that your faith would not rest in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
~I Corinthians 2:5
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I have been talking about the Women of Faith conference all week and I could probably blog about it for a month because it was just that fabulous! In today’s devotion, I wrote about having dreams and dreaming big. And, today’s verse was the theme verse for this year’s Women of Faith tour. Their theme was Imagine and many of the speakers addressed dreams and believing that all things were possible with God.
I have to admit, I am a big dreamer. And when I dream, I dream big. But, I don’t just dream big, I really like to take my dreams and try to make them a reality. I don’t know if you would call it optimism or faith or just plain delusion, but I really do tend to think that everything is possible.
In today’s devotion, I wrote about dreaming and how everything truly is possible with God behind your dreams. And friends, I have really seen this in my life. As Ephesians 3:20 shows us, God is able to do things that are beyond our wildest dreams. So, what if you were dreaming a dream that God gave you? If you feel God is calling you to do something, then He can make it happen, even if it is a wild dream. Doesn’t that just excite you? It excites me!
Right now, I have a big dream and it involves this ministry. Many of you have read my story previously and as you recall, I am leaving my career as a college professor at Johns Hopkins and my family is moving from Baltimore to a small village in Southeastern Virginia. And, we are doing that because we have a dream for our family and because I have a dream of redirecting my talents and skills from a research career to a career in women’s ministry. And, we are moving to Southeastern Virginia so that I can pursue this dream with Wendy.
It was almost a year ago that she and I sat in a food court in Northern Virginia and we talked about our friendship and we talked about everything that she and I had been through. And, most importantly, we talked about how we could use it to help others know the Lord. I remember telling Wendy that day that I felt like she was my sister and that we’d known each other forever, even though we had really only known each other for a short time. And, I vividly remember talking about how we could work together to help others. From that first discussion, we have spent countless hours on the telephone and at her kitchen table talking about our dreams and what we believe the Lord is leading us to do. And, we have spent so much time praying and dreaming about how we can use our journeys to help others.
From these countless discussions, one consistent thing has emerged: we have some really big dreams. But guess what else? We also have a really big God. And over the past year, we have seen Him work in amazing ways to allow us to live in the same town again and work together on our dreams.
As I look at the Women of Faith theme Imagine and I look at Ephesians 3:20, I am so energized. It is so fun to have dreams. And, it is even more fun to have dreams that the Lord has given you. And, when the Lord is in your dreams, then watch out because he can make anything possible.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
By far, my favorite speaker of the weekend was Sheila Walsh. She spoke several times throughout the two days and her topic was trust. She has a new book called Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God and in it, she tells her own story and the story of 10 key figures in the Bible who trusted God. And, her take home message in her talks was that amazing things can happen in your life when you truly trust God and follow His direction for your life. And sometimes, God lets the situation look really bleak before He sweeps in and saves the day so that it is very clear to you that He worked. And essentially, we all need to trust God and I mean really trust Him with our lives. We need to look at Him and say, “You are all knowing, have the entire universe at your disposal, always make the right decisions, so I’m going to go with you on this one.”
Her talk really made me think about how many times we really don’t say that to God. Instead, when we are faced with decisions in life, we look at Him and say, “I only know what I can see in my narrow corner of the universe, I have no real power over anything, and I have a history of making bad decisions in my life, but I’m gonna handle this one.” Pretty ridiculous, eh?
Psalms 119:105 says “Your word is a lamp to my feet and light for my path.” He wants to lead us and He has provided us with the guidance through His word. And, we merely need to trust that He is guiding us with that light and merely follow it.
If you had a choice, would you take instruction from someone who didn’t have a lot of power, made some bad choices in the past and doesn’t have all of the information on a situation or would you take instruction from someone who can do anything He desires, always knows the best path to take, and knows everything about a situation? I’d pick the latter. How about you?
Monday, April 26, 2010
When Wendy and I started our ministry together, we bought journey necklaces for us both to wear. I'm sure you have seen this type of necklace. Ours is a pendant on a silver chain and the pendant is made up of 6 stones in a row that sort of curve gently down. Our stones are white sapphires, the birthstone of September which is the month in which we started our ministry together. The necklace perfectly symbolizes the intent of our ministry: to share our journeys with you and how God walks with us down the gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) curves of our journeys.
I was reminded of this at this weekend's Women of Faith conference. First, let me say that I love these conferences and if you have never gone, then you must go someday. During the two days we were together, we heard stories from other women of journeys. Journeys of clinical depression. Journeys of altered life plans. Journeys of loss. Journeys of doubt. Journeys of hope. Journeys of renewed relationships. Journeys of God's deliverance and providence.
Each woman who spoke shared personal stories of how God has shown them, in big and small ways, that He is with them. They merely shared their journeys with us and it was so encouraging to hear other women share things that so many of us experience. And through it, they revealed so clearly that we are not alone when we hurt, doubt, experience sadness or loss, or even when we rejoice.
I love going back to Women of Faith each year and hearing how their journeys have continued with the Lord. I will share some of their journeys and insights this week and how it has applied to my journey in hopes that it can encourage you on yours.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I am very excited today because I am leaving this morning to go to the Women of Faith conference in Las Vegas. I absolutely love Women of Faith. If you have never gone to one of their conferences before, then you must go sometime in the next year or two. They have them all over the country and chances are you’ll be able to find one close to your hometown.
Women of Faith is very precious to me because it was at one of their conferences last year that the Lord spoke to me in a profound way that changed my life. As I have shared before, it was at the WOF conference last year that I realized that I needed to make some radical life changes and begin to serve the Lord full time in women’s ministry. And, following that conference last year, Wendy and I began this webpage and started our speaking and writing ministry.
I can’t wait to sit in the arena and feel the presence of the Lord all around. And, I can’t wait to share with all of you how the Lord speaks to me this weekend. I plan to blog while I am there so that you can hear some of the things that made an impact on me. So, check back throughout the weekend to hear how God works this weekend in Las Vegas!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
On Sunday, I came home from a weekend away to find a package from Texas in my mailbox. And, I was so excited when I saw that it was my signed copy of Lisa Whelchel’s new book (due in stores May 4th), Friendship for Grown-Ups. And even though I was so tired when we got home Sunday, I couldn’t help but read a few chapters before I went to bed. And, I am nearly done with it now.
It is a really good book about her experience with friendship and how she has learned to be vulnerable and real and how opening her heart to others has allowed her to really connect with them and minister to them. She is very candid in the book and I really appreciate her vulnerability as she tells of some of her most precious friendships and some of her most painful moments in friendship too.
There is one thing that she talks about that really struck me. And, she talked about how friendship (and really any relationship) is risky. You open yourself up to another person, share personal feelings and failures and fears and then you have to trust that the other person is not going to trample on that information. In her book, she talked about how she was very resistant for many years to the idea of becoming vulnerable. But, by staying in “self-protect mode,” she never really connected to anyone. So, she was safe. But, she was also lonely.
Lisa is right. Relationships are risky. But, they are also very rewarding. In her book, Lisa talks about how she has been blessed immensely by the friendships that the Lord has sent her. And that is really the key. That you pray that the Lord will send you the people who can be safe and can be trusted with your vulnerability. And pray that the Lord will help you discern who those safe people are.
The Lord has blessed me with a dear friend who I trust 100% with my vulnerabilities. And, I have experienced in the most profound way what Lisa is writing about in her book. When you risk vulnerability, you truly connect. And, by being vulnerable and connecting to others, you are so much more effective in ministering to those around you. And, I have found one more thing. I have found that when the Lord sends you that safe person, then being vulnerable isn’t that risky anymore.
Pray today that the Lord will send you people in whom you can confide and trust and be vulnerable. Pray today that He will bless you with the beauty of friendship and truly connecting with others.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
How do you make an impact on others? Over the last couple of days, I have been reminded of the profound impact that we can make in the lives of others. Last night, I attended an awards banquet at Johns Hopkins. I was invited because I was receiving an award from the Senior class. The award is called the Old Gold and Sable Award and it is described as an award given to a faculty member who has had a profound impact on students’ lives and is either retiring or leaving the university. At the banquet last night, I talked with a few students of mine and spoke at length with the student who was going to be presenting the award to me about how much my classes has meant in his life. And, as I listened to his introduction of me during the ceremony, I was overwhelmed when he described me as “the kindest professor at Johns Hopkins.”
At Johns Hopkins, everyone is working really hard to be the smartest or the most published and most accomplished. Many hours are put into research and trying to cure various diseases or ailments. And, I know that I am nowhere close to the smartest or most published professor at Hopkins. But, I am so glad that I am leaving Hopkins with my students knowing me as the kindest professor. I would rather be the kindest than the smartest or most successful any day.
We all can make a profound impact on the lives of others every single day. And, the biggest way that we can impact others is by merely loving them. Reminds me of Galations 5:13-14, “Serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” How are you loving and impacting others?
Friday, April 16, 2010
One of my favorite phrases is, “I got your back.” Urban dictionary defines this phrase as, “an expression assuring someone that you are watching out for them. Comes from making sure you are safe by watching what's behind you when you're busy looking ahead.”
As I read that definition, I couldn’t help but think of the people in my life who have my back and the people who I am watching out for. I really love the latter part of this definition: making sure you are safe by watching what’s behind you when you’re busy looking ahead.
When I think of life, we all have a lot of stuff behind us. And, some of us spend a lot of time watching our own backs and looking at what’s behind. You may dwell on regrets that you have, people who have hurt you in the past, or mistakes you’ve made. And in looking back all the time, you aren’t looking where you are going and even worse, you are probably so consumed with what’s behind that you aren’t planning or really even caring where you are headed. You are too consumed with watching your own back that you aren’t looking ahead.
We should all be looking forward and moving forward. But, sometimes what is in our past makes us feel unsafe and we keep looking back to make sure its okay. If this is you and you find yourself looking back more than looking forward, then why don’t you let Jesus have your back. Let him watch what’s behind you and deal with it in your heart so that you can stay busy looking ahead.
A good friend will have your back. Let Jesus be that good friend today.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I bought Steven Curtis Chapman’s most recent CD a couple of weeks ago and I have been listening to it a lot lately. And, I have to say, it is really amazing. For those of you who don't know his family’s story, his daughter Maria died in 2008 in a tragic accident at their own home. And, in the words of most of the songs on this CD, you can hear him referring to her death. The angst is so raw and you can just hear his suffering.
But, what amazes me about this CD is that each song seems to start with real angst and despair and then each song ends with a trust in God and His faithfulness. It reminds me of Psalm 77 and today’s devotion.
There is a song on the CD titled “Questions” and in its lyrics, you hear him questioning what has happened to his daughter and wondering why God would allow it to happen. But, at the same time, he sings about trusting God. In fact, despite his confusion and lack of understanding, he still trusts that God is in control. In this song he sings, “You know that I’m confused by all this mystery; You know I get afraid; But if you know my heart as completely as I trust you do; Oh you know that I trust in you.”
Are you questioning God today? Are you confused by things that may be happening or why it seems that God is just standing by and not intervening? If so, then I urge you to do what Steven Curtis Chapman has done and rest in your trust in the Lord. Trust that He knows what He is doing even if you are confused and hurting. And, like he sings, “This is not how it should be. This is not how it could be. But, this is how it is. And, our God is in Control. This is not how it will be. When we finally will see. We’ll see with our own eyes, He was always in control.”
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Women of Faith has a Wednesday blog spot where bloggers across the country answer a question in their blogs. Then everyone gets to read responses to their question. This week’s question from WoF is:
If you could become a Women of Faith speaker what would you talk about?
What a great question!! First of all, becoming a speaker at Women of Faith is on my bucket list and I have already imagined what I would speak about if I ever get that opportunity. I would speak about how the Lord has worked in my life through three defining (or rather what I like to call refining) moments. And these three refining moments are the miraculous birth of Isabella, the creation of a precious friendship and sisterhood with Wendy, and the call I felt to leave my career and pursue women’s ministry.
For those of you who do not know my story, you can read more about it under “About Us” where we describe why we named our website After the Miracle. In this story, you will see that one of the major refining moments of my life is when the Lord healed Isabella when doctors at Johns Hopkins were recommending that we abort her. Much like the story of many women who choose life over abortion, my unborn daughter was given no hope of survival by a team of doctors. And, to complicate matters, carrying her to term was dangerous to my health. We prayed earnestly for healing and we prayed that the Lord would help us through the decision that we were faced with. We did not feel that we should terminate the pregnancy, so we continued with it. And, the Lord worked in a magnificent way and Isabella is almost 2 years old today and healthy. The Johns Hopkins medical team was stunned and do not understand why she is alive. But, I understand.
The story of her birth was magnificent to experience and became a very powerful moment in my life. My husband and I both worked for Johns Hopkins at the time (he was a computer programmer and I was a professor and researcher) and we lived a very hectic life. We were living the American dream and seemed very successful. And, our faith was important, but was certainly not central to our lives. Her miraculous birth alerted us to the power of God and I began feeling compelled to start shifting our priorities and start sharing her story. I spoke at small groups and we even appeared on the 700 Club, and I was beginning to feel restless that I was supposed to be doing more with it.
And, that’s when the Lord continued to work….
About 9 months after Isabella’s birth, I was given my second refining moment through the creation of a beautiful friendship with Wendy, co-founder of After the Miracle. As she has shared before, she experienced her own hardship in 2009 and through that experience turned to me for support. We were casual friends when she first turned to me and through her experience, the Lord knitted our hearts together much like David and Jonathan. And, the Lord created a friendship and sisterhood between the two of us that is beyond words. I cannot fully articulate what her friendship means to me and the bond that we feel. It is truly God inspired and what we began to realize is that the Lord put us together for a purpose.
And, that’s when the Lord continued to work…..
In the summer of 2009, Wendy and I found ourselves talking a lot about using our stories to help women. We began talking to women and realizing that we had amazing stories of how God had worked and that we must tell others how He has worked in our lives. And, at a Women of Faith conference in 2009, I felt God’s calling on my life. I felt like I was supposed to leave my academic position at Johns Hopkins and really pursue women’s ministry. And, Wendy and I felt like we were supposed to do it together. We launched this page and began working on books and other endeavors.
At this point in the story, I have two houses for sale, my husband has found a new job that will allow us to move to Wendy’s town so we can work together, and I am finishing my last semester as a college professor at Johns Hopkins. In three short months, we will move and start this new calling on our life. It is a calling that God has created and that we have merely followed.
So, if I was a speaker at Women of Faith, I would share my story of how God has blessed me with a miracle that demonstrates His power over all creation, how He has blessed me with an amazing friendship that has become a ministry sisterhood and partnership, and how He has given me a new call on my life to share with others how great God is and how amazing our life can be if we merely follow Him. Follow Him in our decisions. Follow Him in our relationships. And, follow Him in our careers and lives.
And, the Lord is continuing to work….
