From Rachel's Heart...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I just finished reading Beth Moore’s book, Get Out of that Pit, and I have to say, it was fabulous. She discusses how everyone finds themselves in a pit at some point in their life. And, in her book, she talks about how we must call on God to deliver us from whatever pit we may be in. She very candidly describes how we may have gotten into our pit of despair and how some of us may even be choosing to stay there. And, she emphasizes the need for us to be entirely dependant on the Lord to lift us out. We can’t lift ourselves out of a pit, we can’t lift a friend out of a pit, and we should not try to depend on ourselves or others. We must only depend on the Lord for He is the only one who can truly deliver us. I highly recommend the book for anyone who feels like they are in a pit in their life.
There is a quote from the book that I want to share with you today because I felt it was very powerful. This quote emerges when she is discussing how her husband experienced tragedy as a child and then made some bad decisions in his life that led to some questionable behaviors. She recounts how he asked her one day why that had to happen. Even though he is close to the Lord today, why did he have to go through all of that to get to being an effective witness? And, she says to him, “You’re a much neater person healed than you would have been well.”
Focus on that statement for a second. You are a much neater person healed than you would have been well. That’s powerful. And, she’s right. When we have been healed by God from some pit of despair, we have such a story to tell others. We can be such an encouragement to others. We have a wealth of experience, as she says, that we can then spend on others. And, we’re so much neater with those experiences of divine healing than if we didn’t have them.
So, as you reflect on 2009, do you find yourself in a pit? If so, then I highly recommend this book by Beth Moore. Or, maybe you’ve been delivered from a pit already and you’re wondering why you had to go through that. Well friends, I recommend using your experience in the pit to help others. Show them how neat you are now that you have been healed by God. I think I’d much rather be healed than just well.
Wishing you all a safe New Year’s Eve and a blessed, profound, and engaging 2010!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
We are approaching the end of another year. And, like I do in most years, I am finding myself reflecting on 2009. Today, I have been reflecting on all the good of this year, all the bad, all the growth (which oftentimes comes out of the bad), all the mistakes I’ve made, and what my goals are for the next year.
And, as I reflect on this past year, I have to admit it’s been a tough one. In fact, I kind of lump the past two years together as one big period of individual, interpersonal, and spiritual growth. And, while I like what I have learned from the past two years and feel blessed that I have learned the lessons that I have, I feel a little worn from it.
Do you know the biggest lesson I’ve learned in the past two years? To quote a Steven Curtis Chapman song, I have learned that “God is God and I am not.” Sounds simple, you say? Well, for some reason, it wasn’t a simple lesson for me to learn. You see, I am a do-er, a planner, a strategizer, a fixer. And, as a result of that personality type, I am pretty successful in the world. I usually get what I want in life and am pretty successful in my endeavors. So, when problems emerge around me, I want to fix them. And, I’m pretty confident that I can fix them.
But guess what I have learned in the last two years? There are some things that aren’t fixable. Isabella’s pregnancy is a good example of something that I couldn’t fix. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change what was happening. All I could do was wait and let God work. That’s hard for a fixer, a planner, a strategizer. It’s hard when you go through something you can’t fix and it’s hard when someone you love goes through something you can’t fix. It’s really hard.
But, what I have realized as I reflect on the past two years, is that God can fix all things. And, we just need to cling to Him always and let Him be God. Reminds me of a famous verse, Be Still and Know that I am God. Be still. Let go. Let God be God.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
It has been a few days since I have blogged. Like everyone else, I have been busy with the holidays and traveling. This year is a little extra busy because we’re also moving soon. So, we’re spending this week between Christmas and New Years working on the house. And, my parents have given me the BEST Christmas present ever by offering to watch my three children for the week. So, my husband and I are childless for the week so that we can get the house ready to put on the market in January.
We dropped the kids off in North Carolina on Saturday and I have to say, it was a bit weird coming home without them. However, when we left North Carolina, I did feel a little taste of freedom and convinced my husband to take a quick detour off I-95 towards Williamsburg. I went to college at William & Mary and I just love Williamsburg at Christmastime. And you know what I noticed about myself? Whenever I’m stressed or feeling overwhelmed, I like to go to Williamsburg. There is something about that place that makes me feel good. Maybe it’s the fact that my family went there every Christmas Eve when I was growing up. Maybe it’s because I spent four wonderful years there in college. I don’t know. But, I love going there. And, on our way back to Maryland on Saturday, we swung by and spent a couple of hours walking the historic streets and eating dinner near campus. And, I even managed to swing by Wendy’s house on the way to Williamsburg for 5 minutes to say hello, give her a hug, and wish her a Merry Christmas. All in all, it was a really nice, refreshing evening!
Now, we are home and have been painting and cleaning out closets and getting the house ready to “show.” I am eager to put our house on the market and move on to the next thing that the Lord has for us. 2010 is going to be a marvelous year, I can just feel it!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Are you hurting this Christmas?
I haven’t blogged for a few days because I have been shopping, cooking, and busy getting ready for Christmas. We also got hit with a major snow storm, so my kids were off school on Monday and Tuesday (which made it more difficult to finish my Christmas shopping!). On top of all that, I came down with a really bad cold and have been feeling pretty poor for the past few days. Needless to say, the last few days haven’t been great.
Maybe it’s because I’m not feeling particularly well, but I have started thinking a lot about people who may be hurting this Christmas. When everyone around you is so happy and excited and expects you to be also, it is hard. And, if you are hurting this Christmas, I am sorry. And, I don’t really have any sage words to offer to make you feel better this Christmas except to just focus on the little baby who was born so many years ago. Direct your attention and your energy to Jesus and forget about all of the other stuff that crowds the Christmas season. And, be thankful that God sent his son to be born in a manger for you. And remember that Jesus’ birth gives us hope that one day all of the pain and hurting of this world will end and we will be reunited with Him.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Every night before we go to bed, we say our prayers with the kids. And every night, we ask what they want to pray about. Usually, I’ll ask Anna, “What do you want to thank God for?” and she’ll start listing things and phrases. Anna is good at thanking God for every minor detail in her life because she knows it delays bed just a little longer. It is really cute at first and then when we get to thanking God for staplers and other random household items, I usually cut her off.
Last night, my husband was out at my son’s basketball practice, so it was just Anna and me for prayer time. And, I wanted to share her prayer with you today because I think we could all glean something from it. This is what she said (and I’m paraphrasing a little from my memory)...
Dear God,
Thank you for Luke and Isabella and Mommy and Daddy. Thank you that tomorrow is Friday and then there is no school. Thank you that Christmas is almost here. Thank you that we get to have Christmas and see lots of people that we don’t get to see a lot. Thank you for toys. Thank you for Santa who gives people presents. And thank you that Santa gave us Jesus on the first Christmas. Watch everybody that we know. Thank you for all our friends. Help us to not to miss some people too much that we don’t get to see too often. Amen.
Just thought I’d share that with you today. When she gets older, we’ll work on her theology a little about Santa and Jesus at the first Christmas! I hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season and can take the time to see it through a child’s eyes and thank God for all of the blessings in your lives.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
This morning’s devotion is about the friendship of Mary and Elizabeth. And, in today’s devotion, we talk about how these women were both experiencing miraculous pregnancies and due to their amazing experiences, became confidants of each other and close friends.
As I was studying this story and the relationship between the two women, I really became overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of these women sharing these three months together. I can imagine the angst, excitement, and confusion that both women were feeling in their pregnancies. I can imagine the early morning conversations in their PJs about what was happening in their lives. I can imagine them sitting across the table from each other, pouring out their deepest fears and concerns. I can imagine them even laughing at how other people might respond to their unbelievable stories. And, I can really imagine the sorrow as Mary returned home and left her beloved friend after their special time together. What a sisterhood they must have developed in those three months.
I’m sure you all have noticed that many of my blogs recently have focused on friendship. As I’ve mentioned several times before, I have studied relationships in my professional research for years. And, as a researcher does, I have dissected the various components of relationships and variables that lead to satisfaction, etc., etc. But, what I am enjoying now, is examining friendships in the Bible and really contemplating what these friendships must have felt like. I have intellectually thought about friendships for many years and studied their components in my research. And now, I am feeling friendships through these stories and through my own experiences and I am finding that I even more fully comprehend their importance in our lives now than I did when I was just researching it.
And, as we see in Today’s Devotion, Mary and Elizabeth shared a very intense experience and in a very short time period, likely went from casual friends/relatives to soul mates. I imagine that was a powerful three months and just as the Lord does, He gave Mary and Elizabeth a friendship to see them both through a challenging time. I am continually amazed at how the Lord places people in our lives when we need them most. And, I have found that when the Lord does create a friendship in your life similar to the friendships of Ruth & Naomi, David & Jonathan, or Mary & Elizabeth, that these friendships are the purest, deepest, and most fulfilling relationships that you will ever have.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
My daughter was drawing at the kitchen table recently when she called out to me, “Mom, how do you spell BFF?” I had to smile as I told her, “B-F-F.” I then heard her as she wrote, “Carly is my B-F-F.” She then proceeded to draw hearts around the phrase and she seemed to be so happy as she was writing out her sentiments about her best friend. Little girls seem to love to identify their best friend. They draw pictures about it. They buy and exchange best friends necklaces. And, having a BFF is so important to a little girl.
Women are really no different.
I bought a book yesterday at Lifeway that discussed this very concept. The book is called, The Friends We Keep, and it was written by Sarah Zacharias Davis, the daughter of Ravi Zacharias.
The purpose of this book is to discuss women’s friendships. She devotes chapters to different types of friends, conflict, betrayal, & jealousy in friendship, what it means to have a ‘soul friend,’ and essentially how important friendships are to women. And, as I read through the book, I was captivated by several of the comments that she made.
One section that was particularly powerful to me was her chapter on “soul friends.” Named after the Celtic tradition of women opening their souls to another, confessing their sins, and mentoring each other, soul friends are the friends that know the deepest contents of our hearts. The author goes on to describe how these friendships are akin to girls’ and women’s desire to have a best friend with whom you can feel safe enough to open up your heart and expose its content. She goes on to say that all women, much like 5 year old girls, desire to have a best friend. She writes,
“We long for a best friend as we long for home, for comfort, for love, and for acceptance. What makes this woman our best friend is the trust we place in her when we share our heart’s deepest hurts and disappointments, our questions or success, our dreams, and our laughter. It is our best friend who will scour the depths of our hurt and disappointment with us. It is our best friend who celebrates our joys, who gives answers to our questions. Sometimes, even more importantly, it is our best friend who sits in the unknowing and the fog with us, not pretending to know.”
And, she concludes this section with the following,
“And so perhaps the concept of best friend is not so much about favorites. It is not simply a position, an award, or a status. Perhaps it is really about belonging.”
I believe every woman does long for a best friend, someone she feels at home with, comfortable with, and a place that she feels like she just belongs. And, I believe that having this in your life is so important. She goes on to say that many women have neglected to prioritize friendship, and even best friendship, because they are focused on their families and careers and other responsibilities. But, she contends that women must prioritize friendship, and even best friendship, because it provides the belongingness and security that strengthen us, sharpen us, and support us through our many responsibilities.
For some of you, you have that person in your life. And, if you do, then thank God for her today. But, for some of you, you do not have such a woman in your life. And, if you don’t, I recommend that you pray that the Lord sends such a woman into your life and that you will be open to her when He sends her. You may find your best friend in someone whom you did not expect. And, as such, I encourage you to be open, to pray that the Lord will show you who you can trust, and that you will be able to open up to this person when the Lord introduces you to her.
I strongly recommend this book by Sarah Zacharias Davis if you are interested in reading more about women’s friendships. She offers good perspective on the importance of women’s friendships, the importance of prioritizing friendship, and also offers some guidance on how to maintain and cherish these relationships. And, for those of you searching and praying for a soul friend, a bosom friend, a best friend, she quotes Anne from Anne of Green Gables, “A bosom friend – an intimate friend – you know, a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. I’ve dreamed of meeting her all my life. I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will too.”
Monday, December 14, 2009
Last night, we returned home from a quick trip to North Carolina where we saw my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my brother, his wife, and their son. My parents invited us to their church to see a performance of the Gospel of Luke. And, it was amazing. It was performed by one man, Bruce Kuhn (http://www.brucekuhn.com/), who is a Broadway actor. He has memorized nearly the entire book of Luke and delivers the verses with dramatic flair with very few props and no scenery. But, with his delivery, he really brought the book alive. And, I have to say, having him perform the book really brought certain passages to life and you could see the real flow in them. If you ever have the opportunity to see him, I highly recommend it.
Even though it was a quick trip, it was really nice to visit with everyone. As always, it was fun to watch the little kids play together, to eat WAY too much, and to laugh and talk into the wee hours of the night. And, my mom and I were able to catch a quick moment for a heart-to-heart, as we always do when we get together. I’m really looking forward to being closer to all of them when we move in the next few months!
Friday, December 11, 2009
As Wendy mentioned, I returned home to Baltimore yesterday. As I drove, I reflected on the conversations, laughter, and fun that have occurred this week. And, one theme that Wendy and I continually discussed this week is connection. We talked about connection to God and connection to others. And, we talked about how these connections are critical to surviving life’s hardships. And ladies, hardships will come.
One of the goals that we set is to help women connect with each other. Wendy and I both know how precious connection to others can be. And spending time with someone who knows the pain you’ve been through, has supported you as your endured it, and has celebrated with you as you conquered it, is simply priceless. And, we strive to build a ministry that helps women truly connect to God and to other women.
We have planned a few features and upcoming things that will start to get to that connection. And, we will begin rolling them out over the next month or so. We are very excited about the future and we feel so very blessed that the Lord has shown us how we could use our experiences, our deep friendship, and our skills for Him.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Yesterday was a special day for me. I'm visiting Wendy this week and we are taking some time to plan and discuss goals for After the Miracle, goals for ourselves in our ministries, and goals for ourselves personally. And yesterday, we spent most of the day talking.
Every time we get together, I am reminded of how very special it is to get together with your best friend and share the contents of your heart. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."
Yesterday was very special for many reasons. And, one of the biggest reasons is that she and I shared, dreamed, and planned. And, in today's busy world and in this busy season, it was so nice to sit still and talk with someone whose presence in my life I consider a precious gift from God.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Okay, I have to admit something to you all. I am pretty intrigued, and somewhat addicted, to Facebook. As a psychologist who researches human interaction, I am intellectually fascinated by how popular this social craze is and by how our social interactions have changed with this technology. And, I am really interested in how Facebook can improve social relationships and in how it can contribute to harm in social relationships.
Personally, I like Facebook. I like that I can keep up with friends and know what they are doing in their lives. I like the games and happen to be just a little addicted to Bejeweled Blitz! I also like to see pictures of my friends' kids and things going on in their lives (and sharing pictures from my life). And, I really like being able to encourage others on Facebook and send notes to friends and loved ones.
On Friday, I realized that I was spending way too much time on it. So, I decided that I would fast from it. And, I have to admit, it was hard. I found myself thinking in Facebook statuses throughout the weekend and wanting to post things from my life. I also found myself wondering what people were doing. And, it was an interesting experience.
I also spent some time researching Facebook. I looked up the academic research on it and read several commentaries from psychologists, pastors, and other people who have opinions on it. Like I said, I’m very intrigued with this whole Facebook craze. And, I am actually writing an article on it right now that reviews the perspectives on it and how it can be good and bad for social relationships. I also am reviewing the research literature on it. And, I hope to share that article with you sometime soon and give you my personal and professional take on this social craze that keeps approximately 350 million people coming back to it monthly.
So, stay tuned! I'll likely post that article here in the next week or two. And, for those of you who are on Facebook, go ahead and join the fan page for After the Miracle and enjoy another good aspect of Facebook: getting updates from us at After the Miracle!!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Recently, I have been really interested in talents and gifts and how each of us may or may not be using our gifts well. As a psychologist, I have been interested in personality and aptitude for a long time. And, one thing I find in my research, is that when people are in jobs or in relationships where they are expected to be something different than what they are, there is often dissatisfaction. And, when we are in jobs that match our skills or in relationships where someone else truly values who we really are, even if it is different from them, then it is very satisfying and rich.
Yesterday, Wendy and I were talking about spiritual gifts and talents and how we can each best use our individual gifts. And, as we looked at a description of spiritual gifts, we compared our gifts to each other’s. And, what we found (not surprisingly) is that she and I have very different spiritual gifts and in some way, approaches to the world.
Do you know how cool that is?
I was watching an interview with Pastor Rick Warren recently and he talked about how each one of us was designed with different talents and skills because the world needs different talents and skills. We can’t all think like engineers or doctors or accountants or pastors. We need to have different types of people so that everything can get done.
I also think that it can be so enriching to have different types of people in organizations and in relationships. We can learn so much from knowing someone with different skills and talents. And, in many ways, groups and relationships can be made perfect by involving people who complement each other, rather than are exact replicas. And, I know that I have really enjoyed and I have been sharpened by having a best friend and ministry partner who shares the same core beliefs, but may approach the world differently than I do.
How exciting that God created different types of people. And today, when you run into someone who may do things differently than you or have different interests or talents than you, then cherish that. Learn from it and appreciate it. Because it is through our differences that we can get all of God’s work done on this Earth and can be so very fulfilled.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
This is a very special time of year. I absolutely love Christmas. And, I love decorating my house for Christmas and enjoying all of the festivities. But this year is a little odd for us. My husband is traveling a lot with his new job and we are packing up the house to move. And, I am caught between wanting to stay still and enjoy the season and the need to get so much done so that we can put our house on the market in January.
In fact, I am finding that I am struggling to live in the present while planning for the future. It is hard for me to decorate the house for Christmas knowing that we just have to take it all down promptly in the week after to show the house to potential buyers. It is hard for me to sit in meetings at work where they are planning things for the future knowing that I won’t be part of those things. It is hard to hang out with my friends, knowing that I will be leaving them soon. And, it is really hard for me to remain patient in this waiting that includes completing so many details to take care of before we get where we are going.
There are a couple of verses in Philippians 3 that I cling to daily and they are:
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (v. 12-14, NIV)
I believe that God has called us to move to Virginia and pursue opportunities that He has given us to focus on our family and ministry for Him. And, I am so eager to get there. But, there is a lot that needs to be done before I can get there. If you are waiting and trying to get to a next stage or goal in life just like I am, then I urge you to press on to take hold of that. And, trust me, I know it is not easy. I pray every day for the strength to get me through this waiting period. And, some days, I feel very strong. And, some days, I feel very impatient and weak. But, everyday, I remind myself that I just have to press on toward the goal for which God has called me.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I've written in the past that Wendy sends her blogs to me in the morning and then I post them to the site, so I get to see a sneak peak of what she is going to blog about each day. And this morning, when I read her blog, I decided that I wanted to write mine on the same topic. I think what she is saying is so very important and deserves to be echoed in my blog as well.
What I want to share today is my personal experience with being connected to others. Wendy has shared in past blogs about how I have been there for her over the past few months to help her through a difficult time. And, I want to talk today about how much of a blessing in my life that was for me. You see, I think the Lord introduced Wendy and me because she needed someone to see her through a difficult transition and I needed someone to show me the beauty friendship.
I've shared a little before about how my husband and I have worked very hard to establish our family and our education and our careers. And, as such, we have been pretty autonomous and independent for most of our marriage. We lived in a state far away from our families while we were in school, raised our children by ourselves, and built our family all by ourselves. Now, don't get me wrong, our families are very loving and supportive, but they weren't physically there day to day. We have lived away from them for our entire marriage and that makes you very independent and very self sufficient. But, unfortunately, it can also make you very isolated from others. You begin to think that you can't depend on other people and that you have to do it on your own. And, we did. And, we were proud that we did. But, I don't think we realized how lonely that had made us.
But then, we moved to Baltimore and we got involved in a wonderful church. And, we joined a small group led by Wendy and her husband. And, our group became like family. We all saw each other through some pretty dark times. A couple in our group lost a child, we suffered through Isabella's pregnancy, and then we learned that Wendy and her husband would be moving away. And, as Wendy has shared previously, I was there for Wendy through that transition.
It’s kind of funny because I do research on the importance of relationships and feeling connected to others. And, I don’t think I even completely understood it until I was given the opportunity to get so deeply connected to our small group and to Wendy. And, I feel so very blessed that the Lord used me to help her through a difficult time in her life. And, I have received so much joy from being her friend, her prayer warrior, her confidant, and her biggest supporter. You see, God has given her a very important and challenging role as a pastor's wife. And, if the Lord can use me, in even the smallest of ways, to contribute to her ministry, then I feel so very blessed and so very honored.
As Wendy mentioned in her blog today, being connected to others is so very important. Get connected today. Give of yourself to someone else. Love them. Support them. And, cherish the gift of friendship that God has given us.
