From Rachel's Heart...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Today is my oldest daughter’s birthday and she is six years old today. Today’s blog is for her!
As I look at each of my three children, I see such similarities and such differences. Each one of them has a slightly different personality and reacts to the world in a little different way. Also, you can already see what each one of them is good at compared to the others. I just love how different they are. First, it makes things a lot more interesting around the house and honestly, it just makes me laugh sometimes! But more importantly, I really feel like it’s so very important as their mother for me to cherish those differences and help them see how they are distinct from others and how that can be very good. I have heard many messages in my life on how each one of us is different and that we can’t all be the same or all the work of this world wouldn’t get done. And, I usually see people nodding in agreement, but then I feel like people go home and don’t really believe it. They still want someone else’s talents or skills, not their own. But, I want my children to really believe it. I want them to use their personality, their skills, and their uniqueness to make the biggest impact they can in this world and see how their uniqueness is so important in making that impact.
I don’t ever like hearing that someone else is good as something and that is better than what I am good at. I try so hard to show my kids how their gifts are just as important as someone else’s and that you just have to use whatever you have been given. Now, my daughter is a little young to really understand that concept, but I really look forward to continuing to mold them as they grow to be fully comfortable in who they are and how they can use their skills and talents (not somebody else’s skills) for God.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I just have to say that I loved Wendy’s blog yesterday and was thinking about it most of the day. As she mentioned, she and I have spent a lot of time talking about defining moments. To us, your defining moment is a time (or a period of time) when things change for you and your future path is forever altered. Usually in these moments, your essential character, beliefs, and skills are challenged, honed and directed towards a new purpose for God. And, we find that many defining moments come in times of pain and hardship. It is when we are faced with a trial that we seem to find out who we really are, what we really should be doing, or which path we need to take. And, it can be very powerful when you overcome adversity with the Lord’s help and therefore, it oftentimes gets described as being a defining moment.
But, what I have been thinking about is that these “defining moments” are truly refining moments like Wendy said yesterday. And similar to her definition, Merriam-Webster defines the word “refine” with the following definitions: 1) to free from impurities or unwanted material, and 2) to improve or perfect by pruning or polishing.
When you look back on your life, do you have any refining moments? Moments of struggle or pain in which the Lord freed you of impurities or unwanted material? Moments where God improved or perfected you by pruning or polishing?
When we look at our hardships, we must not let them define us. But, we must let God use them to refine us and produce things in us that perfects us. It reminds me of one of my favorite passages: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5: 3-4).
God can use your suffering and your trials to make you stronger and develop characteristics that can be used mightily for Him. So, look at your trials as opportunities for God to free you of impurities and to improve you. Don’t let your adversities define you. Let them refine you.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I really don’t like being alone. And, for the last two weeks, I have felt very alone. My husband was gone for two weeks traveling with his new job, we got hit with two blizzards that left us housebound with over 50 inches of snow on the ground, and I found myself reminded once again of how much it stinks when your best friend lives in another state and all you want to do is go out for coffee. But, what I really found during these last two weeks is that being alone yields so much fertile ground for growth. When you are alone and have no distractions (good or bad distractions) of other people, you can really spend time with the Lord.
As a mom, I don’t feel like I have a lot of time to myself. Even though my two older kids go to school (when we don’t have 50 inches of snow on the ground), Isabella is home with me. So, I really only have her nap time and then after the kids go to bed to have any time to myself. And, as much as I really didn’t like being alone every night for the last two weeks, I also really looked forward to it each day. I would put the kids to bed, turn off the television and just do whatever I wanted to do. I used the time to catch up on work and reading and to really spend time with God. And, I found myself feeling both so sad that I was alone and also so grateful that I was and could spend time really studying God’s Word. And honestly, there’s nothing like feeling a little stressed and lonely to really draw you in to time with Him.
One thing I was led to over the past two weeks was the Psalms. I read through chapters 142, 143, and 144 and just fell in love with these three chapters. When you read chapters 142 and 143, you can just feel the despair and loneliness. And friends, there were stressful days over the past two weeks where I felt as alone and in need of help as David describes. And, the first few verses of chapter 142 really grabbed me:
1 I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.
2 I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
And, as I was reading these chapters, I felt David’s pain in chapters 142 and 143 and then his rejoicing in chapter 144. And, I was so reminded of who our true refuge is. Who our comforter is and where we can turn when we feel all alone.
So, I really don’t like being alone. And, I would have preferred it if my husband was home over the past two weeks and my best friend just lived 10 minutes away like she used to. If you feel alone, I know how it feels. And, if you haven’t read through the Psalms, then I recommend that you do that. Because I know how it feels and David knew how it felt to be really alone and in despair. Find comfort in the words of Psalms today and know that you are not really alone. That your comforter and your refuge is with you. And in the words of Psalms 144:2: He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
We don't usually blog over the weekends, but today, I am so excited to tell you about a new ministry that a friend of mine has started with her husband. The name of the ministry is EPIC Marriage and their webpage is http://www.epicmarriage.net. EPIC stands for Extraordinary Partners in Christ and they are devoted to promoting the importance of marriage and how to develop a truly extraordinary Christ-centered marriage.
As it says on their webpage, “Marriage should be so thrilling that your story demands to be told. Told by whom? By your children to their children and passed from generation to generation. By your friends to their friends. Your marriage can be a living testimony of Christ, the bridegroom’s, love for the church, His Bride.”
Check out their website today and learn more about making your marriage epic.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Okay, I’ve mentioned American Idol a couple of times in the last two weeks and I’m going to do it again. I love that show. Of course, I love the music. But, I also love the stories that emerge and the lessons that can be learned from watching a group of young people pursue their dreams.
In our Book Club, we are reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, and it is all about taking risks and chasing God-inspired dreams. And, the theme of the book is that you just need to do it. You need to hear God’s voice telling you to do something and just do it. Take the risk and chase the lion.
But, one thing that emerged in this week’s chapter is that when we do step out in faith, we almost always start doubting ourselves. Even the most confident among us will start to say, “Did God really tell me to do that?”
That brings me back to American Idol. There is a contestant in the top 24 who I have grown to really cheer for. Her name is Didi Benami and she captured my attention in her original audition when she talked about her best friend who pushed her to pursue music. Now, her best friend died a few years ago, but Didi still cherishes how her friend believed in her. And as Didi said, “She believed in me when I didn’t even know if I could believe in myself.”
It reminds me of a quote that I was shown recently, “We all need someone who gives us the courage to be who we were meant to be.” How true that is. In the book that we’re reading about taking God-inspired risks, the author admits that we’ll likely have doubts when we start to chase our dreams. Even the most spiritually grounded, confident individual will say, “Did God really tell me to do that?” He comments on how we’re really only ever going to be about 80% certain of any risk we take. And, it’s in that other 20% that Satan can get in our head and get us to start doubting ourselves and God’s plans for us. And, when you start doubting yourself, that’s when God can send someone to remind you of His plans and to believe in you, even if you don’t know if you believe in yourself. Someone who helps you find your courage again to be everything God meant for you to be.
It is such a blessing to have someone who believes in you. And, it is such a blessing to believe in someone else. Show someone today that you believe in them and remind them of the courage that they already have through Jesus Christ to be everything that they were meant to be.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Do you ever feel like one of Job’s friends? Despite your best efforts to be a good, faithful friend, you end up doing what Job’s friends did. You end up trying to understand why something is happening or dissecting a problem to the point that you haven’t helped your friend at all. In fact, you probably just ended up getting in the way more than provided any help at all.
I read through the book of Job recently and it is a fascinating book to me. I am interested in the story of Job for many reasons. One of the reasons is because I am very interested in how Job’s friends responded to him in his suffering. And, I am really trying to understand the many ways that we respond to people who are hurting.
Yesterday, I mentioned that I was working on a new book project. And, this book is about the different types of friendship styles that we all have and how we try to help others who may be going though a hard time. I’m doing research for the book right now and that is one of the reasons that I was reading the book of Job. I am interested in the constructive and not-so-constructive things that we do when those we love are hurting. And, Job’s friends are a pretty good example of things that we can do that aren’t that helpful, although are done due to a sincere desire to help.
Do you have any examples of things you’ve done for others who are hurting or things that have been done for you when you were hurting? Right now, I am particularly interested in all of the different ways that people help each other during suffering and trials. If you have something to share on this topic, please feel free to send it through the “Contact Us” tab. Any thoughts and examples of ways that you have been helped or have tried to help others going through hardship would be great as I continue my research for this book.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I haven’t blogged in almost a week because we have been hit with the blizzard of the century and things have been a little crazy around here. The kids just went back to school today after missing 7 days of school. Even Johns Hopkins was closed for a week and that never happens!
In addition to eating lots of junk food, watching a lot of movies, and refereeing the kids, I have had the opportunity to really do some studying and reading. I am reading a couple of books right now. I am reading Beth Moore’s Believing God, for a Bible study that I will be starting soon and I have been reading Larry Crabb’s Shattered Dreams. Both books, so far, have been outstanding. And, I really like reading them side by side because there are pieces of each that complement each other well. It’s really neat to read something in Beth Moore’s book and then see a similar, but slightly different presentation, of the same concept in Larry Crabb’s book. It leads to a much fuller understanding of life concepts!! I recommend that you try it sometime with a couple of books and see how the Lord speaks to you by combining the messages of two books at once.
I also have been working on a new book idea that I will share with you all tomorrow. I would like to get everybody’s thoughts on it as I am working out the details of the theme. But, I’ll wait until tomorrow to share that!
I hope everyone has a great Wednesday and that you will take time for yourself and to read God’s Word and other books in your continued journey to develop your faith and relationship with the Lord.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I mentioned yesterday that I am a huge American Idol fan and I was watching again yesterday. There was a contestant from Vanore, Tennessee who had made it to Hollywood, but was eliminated in the first round there. She was very disappointed and she left saying, “I took a risk and it didn’t pay off.”
Her last statement really stuck with me most of the day and I kept thinking if she was really accurate. Did it not pay off? Sure, she’s not continuing with American Idol. But, she did get on television. She did get some confidence from the fact that Simon and others liked her enough to give her another chance. She did fly on an airplane for the first time and see the city of Hollywood, someplace as far from Vanore, Tennessee as you can get. So, if I could talk to her today, I would tell her that I think it did pay off. Maybe not as she expected with another chance in American Idol, but I would argue that the risk did still pay off in a way.
How many times have we said these exact words because it appeared as if the outcome didn’t turn out the way we wanted when we took a risk. I challenge you today to look at what you may have gotten (aside from the outcome) from that risk that looks like it didn’t pay off. And, see what it really did pay out. I think you’ll be surprised that every risk has something good that comes of it. If nothing else, you have a satisfaction that you tried and now have an experience that you can learn and grow from. And, you wouldn’t have this experience or the lessons learned if you had not taken the risk. As you think about the risks you’ve taken in your life, just remember to not let outcomes solely determine whether a risk paid off.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I am a big fan of American Idol and I usually watch it every week (either live or on DVR). Last night, I was catching up on last week’s episodes and one contestant really struck me. In her audition, this young contestant talked about growing up in poverty. And, she said, “I didn’t know we were poor. I thought a lot of kids didn’t eat dinner.” She talked about how she would take food home from her lunch tray at school and give it to her brother when he would cry at night because he was hungry. And, she said that she would give him the food so that he wouldn’t cry and she figured that there was always tomorrow and things were always going to be better tomorrow. So, she gave her food to her brother and went to bed hungry, but optimistic about the next day. She ended her interview saying that she always thought that there were worse things than just going without.
What a powerful testimony and attitude this young woman has. Oh how I wish I could have even one tenth of the optimism that she showed in her story. And, she is so accurate in her approach to life. There is always tomorrow. If things are not going well today, then look forward to tomorrow. Also, there are often worse things than what we may be dealing with. Focusing on the opportunities that we do have and the tomorrows that lay ahead can get us through the deprivation today.
I was so impressed by this young girl and have been gently reminded again to look optimistically to the future, to give to others, and to focus on what we do have rather than what we don’t have.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Like many of you did yesterday, I watched the Super Bowl last night with my family. We made a lot food and ate way more than we should have while we cheered for our team (who lost by the way). We were cheering avidly for the Colts because we are big fans of Peyton Manning since we lived in Knoxville when he was quarterback at the University of Tennessee. Needless to say, we weren’t happy at the end of the game.
As I watched the postgame interviews, I became intrigued with Drew Brees. I didn’t really know that much about him, although many seemed to be talking about how great a man he was (even my dear friend was singing his praises and talking a little smack by text during the game). So, after the game, I researched his story and I included some of it in the devotional this morning.
What I became most intrigued with is the following statement of his regarding his injury that almost ended his career and moved his family across country. He said he went “from the worst thing that ever happened to me to that same event being the best thing that ever happened to me.”
He is a Christian and describes his move to New Orleans as something that he thought was given to him by God and how it was better to move than stay in San Diego. But, he didn’t see that at first. But, God did.
I think many of us have events that we’ve gone through that were so devastating that we are left crying out to God, “Why me? Why now?” And, when we face that situation, I believe we have reached a fork in the road where we can choose to trust God and grow from it or we can question God and stagnate in it. I’ve been there. And, I have asked the question, “Why me? Why now?” And friends, I’ve asked it in a few situations over the past few years. But, I have found that I don’t ever come to an answer to that question. I don’t know why and to focus on the why is really not productive. I had to focus on how I was going to move forward or I was truly going to stagnate.
I know it is not easy to face a situation that devastates you, paralyzes you, and makes no sense at all. But, I beg you today, to stop asking God, “Why?” and start asking God, “What do you have for me next?” And, when He tells you what is next for you, then follow that path, even if it doesn’t make total sense to you. Because, I firmly believe that letting God control your path is far better than trying to control it yourself. In my life, I’ve asked the questions of “Why” and I’ve asked the questions of “What next?” And, I have found that the question of “What next?” takes you to places that you don’t expect. It takes you to actual physical places and towns that you don’t expect to be going to and it takes you to psychological and spiritual places that you never imagined you could go. And, the physical, psychological, and spiritual places that the Lord has taken me to are simply amazing (even though it didn’t always look like that at first). Stop asking why and start asking what do you have for me next?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Yesterday, I talked about how I work with college students who are often struggling with who they are. They are trying to figure out what their passions are, what their skills are, and what their future should be. And, at Hopkins, these students are very pressured to achieve and conquer the world of medicine or engineering. And, I see many students in my office who are asking me how they are going to break it to their parents that they don’t want to be a doctor. That they want to be an English major or Psychology major or International Relations major because that is what they’re really passionate about and that is what they are really good at.
It makes me think about our gifts and how each one of us has been crafted individually by God. As a psychologist, I am fascinated by how unique each individual is. We have different personalities and fears and skills and likes and dislikes. We think differently, feel differently, and react differently from each other. And, each one of us can be used in some way by God. When I am talking to various groups, I hear a lot of people comment on how they want to find their purpose in life. And, I tell them that their purpose starts with their gifts. When I am advising students, I ask them to really examine what they are skilled in and what they are passionate about. And, I strongly suggest that they use those gifts that they have been given because when they are using their gifts, they will be the most fulfilled.
Today, I say to you what I say to my students: in this life, you must do what you are passionate about and what matches your gifts. Don’t do what someone else is passionate about or what someone else wants you to do. The Lord made you a certain way and the world needs all types of people. In ministry and in the world, we must be ourselves and let God use our stories, our gifts, our personalities, and our skills. He made you a certain way because He wants you to impact others that way. Don’t try to be someone else with someone else’s gifts. Be who God made you and watch how He can use you when you are just yourself.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
For the past several years at Johns Hopkins, I have worked with the Counseling Center and with student groups to help students feel more adjusted in their college years. In addition to being a professor, I am an advisor in my department and students often come and see me to just talk about their major, about Johns Hopkins, about their career goals, and sometimes just life. I have heard a lot of stories and seen quite a few tears in my years at Hopkins. And yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak with another student who was struggling and who really touched my heart.
As I listened to this student, I was reminded of how much I love this age group of young adults. Most of the students I see are 18 to 22 years old and are struggling to find themselves in their college years. Many of them are coping with pressure from home, pressure from society, and even pressure from themselves to do well in school, get good grades, and get into medical or graduate school of some kind. And, many of them are not happy.
To address happiness on campus, I started teaching a Positive Psychology course in the Spring of 2009. In it, we talk about topics such as individual strengths and purpose in life, giving to others, gratitude, and forgiveness. Honestly, it’s a principles of Biblical living course in disguise! And, what I have found is that this is the most fulfilling course that I have ever taught and seems to be resonating with the students too. When I taught it for the first time at Hopkins in the Spring of 2009, I had 30 students in it. And today, I have nearly 400 students in the class.
It is a very rewarding topic of study and it is a very rewarding class. And, I think it is so rewarding because it is teaching them life skills. Sure, we talk about the research and the academic side of positive psychology. But, what I am most interested in communicating to them is the personal side of the material and how being a giving, forgiving, and grateful person can be so fulfilling. And, if I can contribute to their personal and spiritual development in some small way while they are at Hopkins, then I would consider that more of an achievement than any head knowledge that I could teach them. I enjoy what I do very much and hope to continue working with this agegroup, even after I leave Johns Hopkins.
Monday, February 1, 2010
In the field of Social Psychology, many researchers have examined relationships and who we become friends with, who we marry, and generally who we like to spend time with. Researchers in psychology have debated the following two questions extensively: Do Opposites Attract? or Do Birds of a Feather Flock Together?
The research is actually pretty interesting. It shows that there are generally fewer problems when birds of a feather get together because they see things similarly, have empathy for the other person’s perspective (because it is often their own), and find a lot of enjoyment in their relationship because they like the same things and react to the world similarly. However, even though relationships in which people are similar tend to have fewer problems and last longer than those in which the individuals are different, we do see that people who are in relationships in which the two people are different, experience greater growth and excitement due to their differences. There tends to be more conflict, but there also tends to be more growth and new experiences.
As I have blogged about before, Wendy and I are interested in helping women connect to other women and build meaningful friendships. And, we draw from the psychological research as well as from teachings in the Bible. So, if Psychology tells us that it might be better to be friends with those who are similar to us, what does the Bible tell us about similarity and differences in relationships?
I think we have enough evidence in the Bible to suggest that God tends to send people into our lives who seem different from us. And, I believe that He does that to help us grow. In fact, I believe that our most special friends are those who share our core beliefs, but who also challenge us to think differently, those who open our minds to alternative ways of seeing a situation, and those who sharpen us in our relationship with Christ. Look at how many times Jesus challenged those around Him to look at situations or people differently. He oftentimes challenged others to step outside of their own perspective and love or forgive another person.
When I reflect on friendships, I believe that our most fulfilling relationships are the ones in which we are with someone who is not an exact replica of us, but rather someone who complements us. In the dictionary, complement is defined as “something that completes or perfects something else.” What an image of the perfect friend. Someone who perfects you. They perfect your personality, your skills, and your relationship with Him.
Reminds me of Proverbs 27:17: As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. The perfect friend complements you, sharpens you, completes you, perfects you. And, they do that by being different from you.
As you look at your relationships, cherish the differences that you see in your friends. Use those differences and the commitment that you have to one another to grow emotionally and spiritually. Be open to one another and the richer perspective that you will have on the world because you are different.
