From Rachel's Heart...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
When Wendy and I began this ministry, we spent a lot of time talking about the things that we have learned in our lives that we would like to share with others. In fact, we talk almost daily about lessons we’ve learned, ideas we have, and ways that we think we could help others in their lives.
One of the themes that we have been researching and writing about is connection. And, as we have investigated connection, we have found that most people talk about connecting to others as being very important in their lives. It seems that most of us like to have connections in our church, connections in our community and in our workplace. We desire to have friends who we can confide in and spend time with. These connections make us feel valued and needed and esteemed. And, from research on social connection, we know that it is very important to a person’s overall psychological and physical well-being.
However, while most people really desire relationships with others, we have found that relationships with others are best after two other types of relationships are established. In fact, in our approach to connecting to others, Wendy and I have developed three types of connection that are necessary. As we have examined connection in the Bible and in our own lives, we believe that connection to others is most fulfilling and most successful after one has connected to God and connected to themselves.
It is so very important to have a relationship with God. And, it is so very important to really know who you are and be comfortable with your own God given skills and talents. Because when you are secure in yourself and secure in the Lord, you will have so much more to offer another person in a relationship.
As I reflect on my friendship with Wendy, I see that it is very fulfilling and productive because she and I have worked on our relationships with the Lord in addition to working on our relationship with each other. And, we have invited Him into our friendship. Additionally, in developing our relationships with the Lord, we have also worked on ourselves. We have examined our own spiritual gifts, challenged our perspectives of the world, and developed the parts of ourselves that needed to be developed. And because we have connected to God and connected to ourselves, we are able to more fully connect to, encourage, sharpen, and support each other.
As we develop our ministry, we will continue to develop this theme of connection. But, let me close today by saying that connecting to others is necessary in life. But, it cannot replace our connection to God. And, we must focus on our relationship with the Lord before any relationship in our life. Do not let your relationships with people take precedence over your relationship with the Lord. And, in your friendships, commit to growing in the Lord together. Encourage, support, and sharpen each other in your walk with Christ.
Friendships are wonderful gifts given by God and connecting to others is an important part of life. But please remember that even though Reba concerts and trips to the beach are wonderful elements of friendship, the most valuable component to friendship is encouraging each other’s walk with Christ. And, you can only be someone’s spiritual sister when you are grounded in the Lord and know who you are in Him.
Develop your relationship with the Lord today, develop yourself, and watch how it improves your relationships with others.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wendy is right…we are going to be blogging about similar things this week. Because, as she said, we shared the weekend together and it was full of some pretty amazing events. As she mentioned, once I realized that we were going to be less than 250 miles from Reba on Saturday, I thought it would be a fabulous idea to roadtrip down and see her with Wendy and her teenaged daughter. And, as Wendy also mentioned, I am probably one of Reba’s biggest fans. Maybe it’s because she’s a redhead. Maybe it’s because she’s overcome a major trial in her life. Or maybe it’s just because she is extremely talented and goes after her dreams (whether it be television, music, or Broadway). Whatever the reason, I am one of Reba McEntire’s biggest fans and have been for years.
So, when Wendy said that she was game for a roadtrip to see Reba, I was so excited and bought the best tickets I could find. I figured if we were going to do it (and drive 200 miles one-way), then we were going to do it all the way. We were just a couple of rows from the stage and could see every facial expression and gesture that she made. It was awesome.
Now, I will admit, I was so excited to see Reba that close and enjoyed the concert immensely. But, I think what gave me even more enjoyment was watching the ones I brought with me, be just as excited as I was. There is really nothing better than sharing something that you love with people who you love. And, as Wendy’s daughter wore her Reba t-shirt to church on Sunday night and then again to school on Monday, I smiled.
The Lord has given us so many enjoyable things in this world. But, what I experienced on Saturday night is that these things are really best enjoyed when you share them with people who you love.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
When is the last time you told your pastor’s wife that you appreciate her? Have you ever told her?
I have a special place in my heart for pastor’s wives. You see, my best friend is the wife of a pastor and each and every day that I know her, I am given another reason why pastor’s wives are so special. And yesterday, I became aware again of how special my dear friend is.
As we normally do each day, she and I were talking by phone yesterday about things that were going on in our lives. I was looking forward to our talk because we hadn’t really spent as much time talking as usual in the last few days (due to events going on in both of our lives) and there were several things weighing on my heart. And, as we were talking yesterday about upcoming Bible studies and conferences and other things, I was struck once again by how much God works through the wife of a pastor.
When I look at my dear friend, I see a woman who positively influences so many lives. First, I see someone who loves and supports her husband daily. I also see someone who loves the people of her church immensely and who so genuinely cares for others and their spiritual growth. I see someone who is constantly praying and seeking God’s guidance in her life because she so earnestly wants to follow God’s will for her life. I see someone who is every bit the Proverbs 31 woman. And the best part is, I see someone who is just being herself, following God’s call.
My life has been enriched by simply knowing her. And more than merely knowing her, God gave me a priceless gift by allowing me to call her my spiritual sister and friend. I cherish her, our friendship, and the work that she is doing for the Lord. And, what I was reminded of yesterday is that my dear friend has been hand chosen by God to impact lives for Him. And, I get the awesome privilege of loving and praying for her as she follows His call on her life.
When is the last time you told your pastor’s wife that you appreciate her? Have you ever told her? Tell your pastor’s wife today how much you appreciate her and the work that she does for your church. And, let her know how much she has blessed your life through her work and love.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. First, Isabella started walking yesterday! I have thought that she could do it for awhile and yesterday, she had the confidence to really do it. I love it when a baby starts to walk. You can see them processing every step and thinking, “This really doesn’t feel like a good idea. But, everybody around me is doing it, so I guess I should too.” Of course maybe it’s only my kids who think through it – you see, my children walk really late (Isabella is 19 months old and Anna was 20 months old when she finally walked).
As I was watching her walk yesterday, I was just overwhelmed with emotion. Much like singing happy birthday to her on her first birthday, my heart just swelled as I thought of this little miracle walking through the living room. In fact, I am crying as I type this because I am so overwhelmed by the miracle that God performed about 2 years ago.
I have done a lot of reflecting this week because we are coming on the 2 year anniversary of the first bad ultrasound that led doctors to recommend termination of her. On January 23, 2008, we had the first ultrasound that started a long 5 month journey of prayer, decision making, waiting, and uncertainty. And, as I sit here today watching her walk, I really have no words to express what I’m feeling. It is simply overwhelming on so many levels. It is overwhelming to think that God healed her. And, it is overwhelming to think that we were the recipients of this amazing gift.
I have no words today except to say that God is all powerful and that anything is possible. And, I saw that two years ago and I still believe that so fervently today, after the miracle.
You can read more about Isabella’s story under “About Us.”
Monday, January 18, 2010
Somebody asked me recently (and I’ve gotten this question a few times before) how Wendy and I can come up with things to blog about nearly every day. And my answer to this person and what I’m going to blog about today is that you would be amazed at how much there is to talk about when you just start focusing on what’s around you. By blogging nearly every day, I have really started observing myself, people around me, and situations I find myself in. And, I have also tried to see meaning, a lesson, or some personal growth in these people or situations. What I have found is that I have so enjoyed becoming more aware of the things around me.
It is actually something we call mindfulness in Psychology and its basically training people to be aware of themselves and things around them. You can train folks to be mindful of what they eat throughout a day (if they are trying to manage their weight) or mindful of how they interact with their spouses (if they are having marital problems and neither party seems to be “hearing” the other) or mindful of how they spend their time (if they are very stressed throughout their day and don’t seem like they have enough time to accomplish everything). It is really pretty cool to focus on an area of your life and really see how you are thinking or behaving in that area.
So, through blogging, I think I have inadvertently begun a mindfulness intervention where I have become much more aware of things in my surroundings and in myself. I recommend that you try it. Now, you might not have a forum to blog, but you could journal (which is like a private blog) the things throughout your day that you have taken notice of. I have found that it is really important to take time to reflect daily on your life and have a record of your thoughts and emotions and prayers. It is a great opportunity to really examine your life. I’ll warn you, though, that it can be painful at times to really examine your life, your priorities, and your relationships. But if you do it in the spirit of personal growth and try to learn from whatever mistakes you make or things you observe, then it is definitely worth it.
Commit to becoming mindful of some area of your life this week! Start journaling or blogging. Once you start, you’ll be amazed at how much you learn and have to share with others.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Have you ever done something or said something that you really weren’t proud of when it was over? I’m sure you have. We all have. Unfortunately, I had that experience yesterday. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say, I’m not happy with myself today.
As a psychologist, it makes me think about the reasons we do things or say things that we may later regret. And, one thing that I have come up with as I have reflected on my incident (and other incidents like it), is that we so often do things out of fear of the unknown or fear of the “what if.” We tend to think things could be true that aren’t true. And then, we start to get anxious that they might come true. In our defense, we are usually worrying about something that we love very much. But in worrying about it, we act on the “what if.” And, sometimes in doing so, we end up hurting someone we love, or damaging relationships, or saying/doing something that we wish we hadn’t. All because we are worried about something that didn’t even exist yet.
And then, guess what? We have now created a problem where no problem existed to begin with.
I think the biggest thing that I learned yesterday was that you shouldn’t worry about things being true in the future that haven’t even presented themselves as problems yet. I think, as women we tend to look months down the road and worry about what might be there. And then, we want to discuss it today to try to fix it before it even exists to begin with.
I couldn’t help but think of Matthew 6:34 today, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” No wonder the Lord told us not to worry about tomorrow. Because when we do, we have a tendency to act on that worry. And then, we create trouble today. And friends, today has enough trouble of its own!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I saw the movie The Blind Side recently and I just have to write about it today. First of all, I love sports movies. And, when they are true stories, I love them even more. I love stories about underdogs who overcome adversity and are victorious. But, one thing I have noticed is that in most underdog sports stories, the hero who overcomes adversity and becomes victorious almost never does it alone. There’s always someone there who helps them through. Someone who encourages them, pushes them, seems to know what they need even when they themselves don’t know, and challenges them to be more than the person even thinks they can be.
In The Blind Side, you see just that. In the story, a wealthy white family in the South takes notice of a homeless black teenaged boy (who happens to be built like a lineman). And, they offer to let him stay with them for a night and then two nights and then indefinitely. They buy him clothes and give him food and help him study. And, more than the tangible things that they gave him, they loved him and he became part of their family.
In the movie, the assistance to this young man is initiated by the wife in this family. She is depicted as a very confident, hard-driving, somewhat emotionally controlled woman. She’s the type that knows what she wants and figures out a way to accomplish it. And, she helps this young man get everything that he needs, including a scholarship to the University of Mississippi to play football. And in the end, you can see that this young man’s involvement in her life has given her so much perspective on life and love. And, you begin to see that she gained more from the relationship than even he did.
It is such a heartwarming story of how much good there is in the world. I think we so often focus on how bad the world is. Our news is full of stories of murder and crime and injustice. But, I hope we don’t ever forget how much good is in the world too. That there are good people out there that care for others and that you can depend on them when you need help.
I love sports stories. And, I really love sports stories about people helping each other to overcome adversity and the immense joy that comes from such a relationship. And, what we usually see is that something amazing happens because someone has a dream, a goal, a desire to become more and someone else helps them as they get there.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Can I just tell you how wonderful it is to have someone who will pray for you? And, nothing feels better when you are hurting than someone saying to you, “I want to pray for you.”
Yesterday, I had an interesting day and it was full of ups and downs. And, late in the afternoon, I was feeling kind of blah. Wendy and I were talking and I told her what I was feeling that day and as always, she made me feel better by just being there to listen. But, what really made me feel better was when she said to me, “I want to pray for you.” And, from 250 miles away, she prayed with me over the phone. Friends, I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I don’t even know if Wendy knows how much that meant. But, it meant a lot and my heart is so very full just thinking about it this morning.
The next time you are with someone who is hurting, I recommend that you just stop and say, “Let me pray for you.” And then, place that person at the feet of Jesus and let Him help them through whatever they are feeling. There is no better way to make someone feel loved than to pray out loud for them. I am very grateful for friends who will pray for you. Offer to pray for someone today – it will make quite an impact on their day.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I just love it when the Lord sends someone into your day who you can encourage and in the process of encouraging them, you get encouraged right back. I received an email yesterday from a friend who I haven’t spoken to in a while. I was updating her on my families’ plans to move and I was telling her the story of how I believe God showed me the direction that I needed to take my life. And, in our correspondences back and forth yesterday, she said something that struck me. She said, “I got to say, I'm a little envious of your complete knowledge of what God wants you to do with your life.”
That line stopped me dead in my tracks and really made me reflect on last year’s journey to the place I stand today. Yes, today I feel very confident that the Lord is calling me to leave my job at Johns Hopkins and work for Him in women’s ministry. But, the funny thing is, I didn’t always have that complete confidence. So, when I saw the phrase, “complete knowledge,” I really reflected back to last year when this calling began and how I went from a whispered call on my life to today’s confidence.
When I look back at last summer, it is almost entirely filled with my husband and me trying to figure out what the heck we were supposed to be doing with our lives. What looks like “complete knowledge” right now, came out of a very long and exhausting journey last year. We had a lot of changes in our life last year. My best friend had moved away and my husband and I left a church that we loved very much, but felt like we were being called to leave. And when Wendy moved and we left our beloved church, I felt really alone and disconnected. And, it was then, that I really started feeling discontented with my life and I started praying earnestly that God would show me what I was supposed to do.
And then, little by little, I started getting glimpses of the plan God had for us. It started with Wendy and me talking about writing a book about the hardships that women face and the good things that can come out of bad events. Then, we started this webpage. And then, we started talking about speaking to women’s groups about adversity and connecting to God and others. And, by the end of the summer, I felt quite convicted that I was supposed to be working in women’s ministry with Wendy. But, even though we felt so called to work together, we had no idea how God was going to work it out because she lived in one place and I lived in another. In fact at times, I felt so desperate to do what I thought God wanted us to (and to live in the same town again), that we almost started forcing it.
But, at one point in late August, I realized that I just had to let it go and if it was going to be, it was going to be. And, if this was a calling from God to change my life, then He was going to work it out. And then, September is when it all started coming together. And, my husband received a job that was going to allow us to move and really pursue the calling that I believe God placed on my heart. And then he said something that I will never forget, "When God gives you something, he doesn't just give you something that's good enough. He gives you something that is perfect." And, that is so true.
I am so glad that my friend asked me about my journey and caused me to really examine last year’s progress towards a dream that God has given me. Not until she asked me about it and made it sound like we had everything “together” did I realize that God really did work it all out. Looking back, I do feel like I have a great story of learning what God's direction for my life should be, but when I was in the middle of it, I really felt so lost and so confused as to how it was going to work out. But, I guess the refreshing part of it all, is that we don't have to work it out. God will.
I thank God that He sent this friend into my life yesterday. Because in explaining my story to her, I was reminded once again of how awesome God is and how He works out the details so we don’t have to. And, when you look back on a journey that was orchestrated by God, it truly is amazing. I look forward to 2010 for so many reasons. While I may not have complete knowledge of everything that God has in store for me, I do have complete knowledge that He has good things planned and I just need to follow. I look so forward to moving to Virginia and working with Wendy on the many things that we have planned. I look forward to meeting with women in my everyday life and in other churches and settings and talking about how God works in our lives. And, I look forward to growing deeper in my connection and dependence on the Lord to guide my days.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Don’t you just love the unexpected? For some of you, you are shaking your heads vehemently and saying, “NO!!!” For others of you, like me, you are saying, “Oh yeah!” Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t always like the unexpected and I do certainly like control (as I’ve admitted before), but I really like a little spontaneity every now and then! And, that brings me to my weekend and why I feel so very blessed today...
This past weekend, my husband and I went down to visit his family and were fortunate to spend a couple of days with his sister and brother-in-law and their two girls and also with his mom and his other sister and her fiancé. It is always so nice to see everyone and let the kids play. Since I was in the area (they live in the Richmond, Virginia area), I planned to go see Wendy on Saturday night for dinner. And, we were thinking that we’d go someplace close and enjoy a couple of hours of conversation over dinner. Well, I’m not exactly sure who started the idea (chances are it was me), but before we knew it, we had driven 45 minutes, boarded a ferry, and were driving to the outlets in Williamsburg to catch an after-Christmas sale at one of our favorite stores (we’re both a little obsessed with one of the stores there). After we had left with our purchases (and very big smiles our faces for our shopping success), we went to the colonial district of Williamsburg and had a late dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It was a fabulous evening and one that was a little more adventuresome than either one of us expected going into the day.
As I was driving back at around 1:30 in the morning, my heart was so full as I thought of the fun that I had that evening with Wendy. She and I both needed a little girl time and even a little extravagant shopping. And what I was struck by, is that the Lord cares about the fun side of us just as much as the serious side. Even though the night had its moments of serious conversation, it had many more moments of laughter and fun. It is just so nice to get away, for even just a few hours, and divert your attention from all of the seriousness of life and just have fun shopping with your best friend. Saturday night’s adventure was a little unexpected, but it reminded me so much of how important it is to break out and do something impulsive and fun every now and then. Even if it seems a little illogical, it could be just what the Lord knew you needed!
