From Rachel's Heart...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Well, I figured it was only a matter of time before my daughter came home from school hurt by one of her friends. And, it happened for the first time yesterday. I have two daughters and one son. My son is 9 years old and my two daughters are 6 years and almost 2 years old. And, my 6 year old is in kindergarten. She has three best friends, one of whom is her “bestest” best friend. And yesterday, it was her bestest best friend who she was crying about. I’m not sure what exactly happened, but it involved some name calling and ultimately them both thinking the other was “mean.” My guess is that they’ll be friends again by Friday, but for now, my daughter has a new bestest best friend.
As I tried to console her and talk about what makes a good friend, I realized that I have never had this conversation with my son. He has had the same group of friends since kindergarten and never once has he come home crying because one of them thought he was mean or because some unwritten expectation wasn’t met.
It really made me think about how boys' and girls' (and men’s and women’s) friendships are so different. Honestly, my daughter could have been 6, 16, 26, or 56 years old and the emotions would have been the same (and maybe even the event leading up to the emotions). And, one thing that is constant across the lifespan is the importance of friendships to women. But, one thing that I am finding as I research the topic, is that despite their importance, we tend to mistreat our friendships at times. We don’t always behave well within our friendships and we sometimes lose them because of how we behave.
Wendy and I are going to be exploring women’s friendships in greater detail as we are beginning our first book on the topic. As we study and write more, we will likely ask for your input and your experiences. We would love to hear from you on this topic, so please look for opportunities soon to contribute to this research.
In the meantime, I urge you to treat your friendships with care and value them for the gift from God that they are.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Do you have goals that you are striving for? I am a very goal oriented individual. I like to have all sorts of goals: health, work, personal, spiritual. Every now and then I like to write down my goals and then break them down into steps and timelines to achieving them.
Well today, I am writing about a new goal that Wendy and I have. We have decided that sometime in 2011, she and I are going to run a 5k. You see one of us (I won’t say which one) is having a big birthday next year (I won’t say how big) and we decided to run this 5K before she turns…uh I mean, before one of us has a big birthday.
Now for those of you who know us, you know that this is a pretty big goal for two women who really don’t run and have never entered a race before. But, we decided that while neither one of us is likely to do this separately, we could accomplish it together. And, while we are reaching this goal together, we can get healthier and have fun!
Do you have any goals that you’d like to accomplish? Why don’t you call a friend and persuade her to accomplish it with you? As it says in Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NLT), “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” It really is so much more fun to work towards accomplishing something with a friend. Call a friend today and ask them to help you succeed in reaching your goal!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
As I mentioned last week, I attended the Extraordinary Women conference over the weekend and it was fabulous. I always leave so refreshed and energized, with a renewed sense of purpose and direction. Several of our devotions and blogs are going to explore some of the topics that were discussed this weekend and we really look forward to sharing these things with you.
But, what I am writing about today is something that I usually experience after every conference I go to. What I have found is that there is usually a little bit of a post-conference let down. It is like you come off the mountain and are faced with reality. You’re faced with your life stressors, your failures, and all of those little things that you were able to suspend temporarily while you were on the mountaintop worshipping the Lord.
It reminds me of Matthew 17. Have you ever noticed how the beginning of this chapter is the transfiguration of Jesus and then it is immediately followed by a story about how the disciples were inept in healing a boy? Peter, James, and John had just been on a mountaintop with Jesus and they witnessed Jesus speaking with Moses and Elijah. It was the ultimate in mountaintop experiences. And then when they descended the mountain, they are greeted by a man who is bringing his child to Jesus because the disciples could not heal him. And, Peter, James, and John are rebuked somewhat by Jesus for their inability to heal this child. After a phenomenal mountaintop experience, they are instantly reminded of their inabilities and failures.
How often this happens to us too! We leave a fantastic experience just to be faced with our own failures or shortcomings. I was feeling that a little bit on Monday as I questioned some of my abilities and actions that day. But, my advice today is to not let these post-mountaintop experiences affect how much you gained from your time with Jesus on the mountain. Take time to relive the mountaintop after you descend and do not dwell on what you think your inabilities or shortcomings are.
Friday, May 21, 2010
I am writing today very excited. You see, I came down to visit Wendy and we are going with a group of women from her church to the Extraordinary Women conference this weekend. I have never been to this conference before and I am so excited to be a part of it and to hear how the Lord speaks to me this weekend. And, I am even more excited to be able to share the conference with Wendy and other women from her church.
Friends, there really is nothing better than getting to share the Lord with people who you love. We have both said it before in our blogs and devotions, but what makes Wendy and my friendship so strong is that it is based in the Lord. Period. It really doesn’t matter that we both like shopping for shoes, drinking iced coffee, or driving around in the convertible with 80s music blaring. What really matters is that we enjoy God together and talking about how He is working in our lives and how we are growing in Him.
I urge you today to find a Women of Faith, Women of Joy, Extraordinary Women, Beth Moore or some other conference near you today. These conferences are so powerful and engaging and you will be enriched and blessed immensely by attending. And, I also urge you to take a friend or group of friends with you. Because I have found that good friendships can become great friendships when the Lord is at the center of them. Enrich yourself and your friendships today!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Today, I want to expand a little on what I blogged about yesterday and talk about what you pay attention to. And this morning, let me be a college professor for a second. I want to teach you about the Reticular Activating System.
The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is the part of your brain located in the brain stem that contributes to many functions such as control of sleep, hunger, and walking, among other things. Its primary function is to control consciousness and our ability to focus our attention. And, the RAS is responsible for filtering the many stimuli around us so that our conscious awareness is not overloaded by continual input from our senses. The RAS selects what we are attending to and dampens the activation of other distracting stimuli. For example, as you read these words, you are focused on comprehending what you are reading. You are likely not aware of how your hair feels on your neck or how the chair feels under you. You probably don’t even notice the tag in your shirt or how your clothes feel on your body. Of course, you notice all of that now because I’ve mentioned it and the RAS momentarily allowed you to focus on it. But, you will soon push those stimuli into the background and focus on my words again. This is the Reticular Activating System at work. As you can imagine, this is a very necessary system otherwise you would be overloaded with input from all of your senses all of the time. And, you’d be so overloaded that you wouldn’t be able to pay attention to anything.
Do you know what is cool about the RAS? We can actually use it to control what stays in conscious awareness. As we’ve seen, when we choose to focus on something, your RAS will dampen other stimuli, allowing them to have little impact on your conscious thoughts. So, if you choose to focus on Jesus and dwell on Scripture, then you will not be able to also focus on the distracters of this world.
So, the choice is yours. What are you going to allow your RAS to elevate to consciousness and what will it then dampen? Will you focus on all of the stressors and heartache around you and let your RAS dampen Jesus or will you keep your focus on Jesus and find that those stressors and heartaches are dampened? Physiologically, you can’t focus on both at the same time. And, what is encouraging about this, is that if you choose to focus on Jesus, then your attention will be on him and not on the things of this world. It’s a physiological fact and it’s a spiritual reality.
Test out your Reticular Activating System today and only attend to Jesus. I think you will find that the thoughts of this world get dampened and don’t stay in consciousness very long and that your mind is then filled with thoughts of the Spirit.
Monday, May 17, 2010
I have to admit that I haven’t blogged in awhile because I have been a little overwhelmed. When Wendy and I started this webpage, we vowed to be transparent and share our struggles and joys with you all so that you could be encouraged by our journeys. And, we both strive to just be real in what we’re experiencing and feeling daily with hope that it can help you in some way.
But sometimes, it’s hard to be real because it’s a little too emotionally raw. And that is what happened last week for me. I found myself caught up in all of the details of moving that I became very overwhelmed. And by very, I really mean very. Just ask Wendy. It wasn’t pretty on Wednesday.
But guess what friends? I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore. And it’s not because any of my stressors have disappeared – they are all still present. The reason I don’t feel overwhelmed right now is because I am choosing to focus on Jesus.
On Saturday, Wendy reminded me of Romans 12. Romans 12:2 states, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” And, I spent a long time on Saturday studying the concept of the mind. Romans 8 is devoted to having a mindset of the Spirit rather than sinful, fleshly concerns. And, as it says in Romans 8:6b, “the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.”
As I studied these two chapters in Romans, I realized how easy it is for our mind to get caught up in the things of this world. And, when your mind begins to dwell on those earthly things, you can easily become overwhelmed, burdened, anxious, or easily tempted. But, a mind fixed on the Spirit and what the Spirit desires truly brings peace. And that is what I deliberately chose to do on Saturday. I chose to focus on the purpose of our moving, to focus on the call that I feel to minister to women, and to focus on Jesus standing on the water beckoning me to step out of the boat.
So today, I write to you with a strong recommendation to focus on Jesus and let the Spirit fill your mind with thoughts of him. When you begin to feel overwhelmed or doubtful or anxious, then make the deliberate choice to fix your eyes on Jesus, not on the crashing waves around you. And friends, it is a deliberate and constant choice when you are in the middle of a storm. I do not want to suggest to you for one moment that it is an easy prescription to just focus on Jesus. You must deliberately choose to fill your mind with thoughts of him and his desires. Because as we saw when Peter stepped out of the boat, when he stopped focusing on Jesus and started looking around at the storm, he began to sink. Jesus will guide you friends, you just have to consciously choose to look to him, fill your mind with him, and let him lead you.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Do you ever have days where you just need to “be.” And do you have someone who you can just “be” with?
We all have periods of life where things are hectic and stressful. For some of you it is when your children are young and you are busy raising them, attending sporting events, and school activities. For others, it is when you are making deliberate transitions in your life that require attention and effort. And, for some of you, it may be due to any number of things that arise in your life that require attention and/or coping.
Regardless of the reason for your period of stress, we all need to remember to take moments during the stressful period to just “be.” And, what I mean by that is just putting aside all of the decisions, work, or things that need to be attended to and just spend time resting. Spend time doing, fixing, and deciding nothing. Sit and watch a movie, go for a walk, sit with a friend and just talk about nothing. Take time to just breathe and “be.”
In your times of stress, I hope you can set aside a few moments or even a couple of days to just “be.” And, I really hope you have someone who you can just “be” with. Someone who lets you feel whatever you are feeling at the moment, someone who lets you talk or be silent, cry or laugh, be productive or be lazy. I know that I am very fortunate that I have a husband and a friend who lets me do that. And, I know that it helps me immensely to have moments where I can just “be” and it is those moments that give me the rest I need to face all of the stressors that life throws our way.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I mentioned earlier in the week that I was reading Sheila Walsh’s book, “Beautiful Things Happen when a Woman Trusts God.” It truly is a great book where she shares different Biblical and personal examples of people who have trusted God with their lives. And one consistent (although subtle) theme keeps emerging in these stories: when you trust God and truly give Him control of your life, the outcomes are oftentimes very different from what you would have chosen or even expected. But, your life is blessed in ways that are unimaginable.
And friends, let me tell you, I am living that. Our life is about to drastically change. Our geographical location, the type of house we live in, our salaries, and our lifestyle is about to drastically change as we move from a big metropolitan area to a small village with less than 1000 people. Everything is about to change.
And let me tell you, of all the things that are about to drastically change, here is the one that I am most excited about: I am going from being a 4 hour drive away from my best friend to being a 4 minute walk from her. We are going to be able to walk to each other’s houses and really start writing about how the Lord has worked in our lives and really start working on everything that we have been dreaming about sharing with others. We’re going to finally be able to minister to women together, in the same town. And, we’ll be able to fully minister to each other too.
Wendy and I talk a lot about things we want to share with other women and how we are looking forward to writing books and sharing our research and our perspectives with others. And, I really do look forward to that. But, let me share something that I don’t think I have ever mentioned before. As much as we work together to minister to other women, she and I also minister to each other. I so enjoy our 2 hour phone calls where we are decompressing from our days and talking about devotions we’ve read or perspective we’ve gained. And friends, that perspective and those 2 hour phone calls usually come when one of us has gone through something trying. And whether it be voicemails to each other or texts with scripture or phone calls into the night, she and I minister to each other in the process of ministering to others. And that element of our friendship is so precious to me.
I don’t even have the words to fully describe how I have been blessed by Wendy’s friendship and her partnership. About 9 months ago, my husband and I decided to change our life drastically and truly trust God for the direction of our life. And, we have been blessed in ways that are unimaginable in the process. And one of the biggest ways that I have been blessed is through my friendship with Wendy and the partnership in ministry that God has created. I don’t know what the future holds, but if it is anything like the past year, I will continue to be blessed immeasurably by her friendship and by the plans that He has for us.
Wednesday, May 6, 2010
I used to love family sitcoms from the 1980’s. Shows like The Cosby Show, Growing Pains, and Family Ties were among my favorite shows to watch. And, I remember whenever one of these shows was ending, there would be a dramatic final episode. And the finale show typically included a final dramatic scene of an empty family room or kitchen. And then after you gazed at the empty room, the scene typically went dark and it symbolized the end of the show.
I had that experience myself today as I taught my final class at Johns Hopkins. It was like a series finale scene where the classroom was empty, I had packed up my computer, and I took one last look at the empty room before I turned off the lights and left.
As most of you know, I have made a decision to leave my career as a college professor and researcher to pursue women’s ministry full time. Like Wendy wrote in today’s devotion, I have such a passion to tell Isabella’s story and to help other women who may be struggling with their own life decisions and hardships. And, I am so excited that my best friend shares this passion with me and that we will be writing and speaking and reaching women together.
But even though I am passionate about this next chapter of my life, I still am a little sad to let the old chapter close. It is hard to let go of what you thought was your career path. I went to school for 9 years to prepare for it. I have taught for over 12 years. And, I had reached the pinnacle of a research career being a member of the faculty of Johns Hopkins University. It was a good career and I was doing good things in it. However, I know that sometimes you have to let go of something good, so that God can give you something great.
I don’t know exactly what God has planned for me and for Wendy in ministry together. But I do know that we both feel very strongly called to pursue women’s ministry together. And, I will gladly trade something good for whatever it is that He has planned. Because I have learned that what He has planned is better than good….its great!
Monday, May 3, 2010
I had quite a full weekend and have a lot to share with you about it. I have seen God work in mighty ways this weekend. I have heard him speaking loudly to me through Sheila Walsh’s book, “Beautiful Things Happen when a Woman Trusts God.” And, I got a glimpse of what God must feel like when we only come to him when we’re hurting. I’ll share more in the coming days about the first two things listed here. But today, I want to talk about the last item listed: how God must feel when we only come to him when we’re hurting.
My daughter Isabella, who is almost 2 years old, broke her arm on Sunday. She was wearing a beautiful dress that belonged to her older sister and as she was going down the stairs, she slipped on her dress and fell. And, as she was bracing herself, broke her right arm. It is a clean break and she’ll be just fine.
When it first happened, I ran to her and she just sat in my lap and cried. We didn’t know it was broken at the time, so we were trying out different positions of her arm to see if it hurt. She didn’t really scream much, so we were thinking that it might be okay. But, she just sat in my lap and held her right arm with her left hand, which told me that something was probably hurting her. So, I took her to the urgent care facility, got x-rays, and sure enough, it was broken. They splinted her arm and we will be going back today for her permanent cast.
No mother wants to see her child in pain. But, I do love (as most mothers do) how much my kids like to snuggle with me when they are sick or in pain. And, Isabella was that way yesterday. From the second she fell until she went to bed, she wanted to sit on my lap, lay her head on my chest, and just snuggle. It was so sweet and I loved every minute of it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t like to see my children hurting. But, I do love when they want to just snuggle with me and feel safe in my arms. Because usually, they don’t want to do that. Isabella will sit on my lap for a second, but then she is pushing away to go run and play. It is only when she’s hurting or scared or sick that she really wants to sit in my lap and rest in my arms.
As I was holding her yesterday, I started thinking of how similar this is to our relationship with God. When we are hurting or scared, we run to Him, climb in His lap, and cling to Him. We pull out His Word and just yearn for his closeness and healing. But when we’re well, we push away, jump down and go play. We don’t seem to yearn to be held in His arms when we’re feeling good.
As I held Isabella yesterday, I loved that she wanted to be in my lap when she felt scared or hurt. And, I thought of how God must enjoy when we yearn to be close to him. But, I don’t want Isabella to only run to me and snuggle with me when she is hurting. And God doesn’t want us to only run to Him when we are hurting.
Think about that today. And, think about running to Him and clinging to Him when you’re feeling great and life is good, and not just when you are hurting.
