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"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up."
~Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10
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In this series, we are exploring relationships and how we can build better relationships with others in our lives. The chapters of this series can be seen on the right menu bar and the current chapter is shown below. Enjoy this series as we strive to develop one of the best gifts God has given us: relationships with others.
Better to Say Nothing At All
September 25, 2009
Have you ever read the book of Job and focused on how Job's friends try to help him? It is a really fascinating look at friendship during severe hardship.
We all know the story of Job well. He was a righteous man and was allowed to suffer at the hands of Satan, by God. He lost nearly everything and experienced the worst suffering imaginable. Imagine helping a friend through such a situation. What would you do?
When Job's friends came to him, they were speechless at first. In Job 2, it reads:
11 When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. (vs. 11-13)
As you can see here, these are friends that truly cared for Job. They wept when they saw the severe state of their friend. And, they were speechless for a week as they sat with him. Finally, Job spoke and told them how much he was suffering. And, then, each of his friends took their turn trying to help Job by explaining why they thought these things were happening. They tried to show Job the reasons for his suffering and that he must have done something to bring this on. Ultimately, all of his friends were trying to help Job by explaining it and it did not help. It only further dismayed Job.
Are you the type of friend that tries to explain your friend's pain? In an attempt to fix it, do you over analyze it or over explain it? I think we can see from Job's experience that sometimes that is not what we need in our suffering. Especially in an unjust situation, we don't want an explanation. We want sympathy. We want empathy. We want someone to say, I understand what you are going through. We don't want someone to try to explain it. That was true in Job's suffering and it is true in our own lives too.
So, the next time a friend is going through a hard time, it may be better to just sit there and say, "I'm sorry. I'm here for you. And, I love you."
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