Today's Devotional Thought
August 16, 2012 by Wendy Foreman
He Sees our Tears
August 2001 will forever be etched in my mind. Everything seemed so promising in our lives. My husband had graduated from seminary and had heard from a church in Maryland that wanted us to come visit and see if we were a fit for the youth pastorate position they had open. We were expecting our second child and were elated to see how the next leg of our journey would unfold.
Two days before we were to leave for Maryland, I began not feeling well. I was cramping and shortly after began bleeding. The doctor did not seem real alarmed and told me to stay off my feet and rest and call the next day if the symptoms did not improve. I prayed and prayed and cried through the next 24 hours. I was so sure that it would pass but it did not and my husband and I were at the hospital the next evening being told that our baby was gone.
It didn't seem to bother a single soul in the hospital emergency room. The nurses went about their business and said they were sorry and told us they were finished with us and to call my doctor the next day. I left there that night feeling so empty.
I walked around for days in a fog and everywhere I looked women were either pregnant or carrying a baby. It seemed so unfair and believe me, I told God so. It was such a difficult time in my life. People did not know what to say and honestly I wish many of them would have said nothing.
I heard, "Well at least it happened before you got to hold the baby or get really attached to him/her."
That is what you are going to say to someone who already had names picked, who had pictured in her mind what this children would look like, and what they would grow up to be. You really thought I had not attached myself to my child. I may not have ever held them outside my womb, but I sure had carried them inside and loved them deeply.
Those were the words that I wanted to spew to so many who tried so hard to say the right thing.
It does not matter that I never birthed that child. To this day, I think about him/her so often and cannot wait to see them one day in heaven.
I share that story with you today because this past weekend was 11 years and I had a wave of sadness come over me as I remembered that time in my life and all the questions that I had for God on why that had to happen.
I believe there aren't always answers to our tough questions. We have to trust God and believe the words that are written in Scripture that tell us of all the good he has for us and how He loves us and will use all things for His glory. I have had many opportunities to minister to women who have gone through the same thing. God knows the pain I felt and went through 11 years ago and ladies, if you are going through a miscarriage today or have recently and are struggling, know that God hears your cries. Scripture tells us that He bottles our tears and I know that as you cry in your grief God sees each tear that falls. Reach out to Him and allow Him to comfort you through this time. It is okay to be mad, sad, to mourn the loss of your precious child. It does not matter that you never got to see that baby or hold that baby. You still had hopes and dreams and the loss you feel is real. Do not push it aside and act as though you should not grieve. I am telling you to grieve and then move forward.
My story 11 years later is that God blessed me with a beautiful little boy in 2002 and he has been the greatest joy of my life. He is funny, athletic, loving, and compassionate (although he would hate that I am sharing that with you). I will never forget the little one that is heaven but I am forever grateful that the Lord did bless me with a little man that has stolen my heart.