Today's Devotional Thought
April 13, 2012 by Rachel Piferi
Choosing to See
It isn't often that I find myself reading a book way into the night. Pushing past sleepy eyes and a mama's logic that tells me if I don't go to bed, I will be very sorry in the morning when the kids are up early and I stayed up late reading.
But last night, I just could not stop reading my latest find: Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman.
I had heard Mary Beth tell her story at a Women of Faith conference a couple of years ago and when I saw her book at a bookstore on Wednesday, I just had to buy it. And last night, I decided to open it and see what was penned between the covers.
And was my heart ever moved...
I don't know if you know her story. And I will tell you that this book is about more than just her recent life tragedy. This book is about her life and her faith and how she got to her current life tragedy. And then how she dealt (and is still dealing) with it.
Mary Beth Chapman is the wife of Christian singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman. And in this book, she shared her life story. She shared some of her childhood and her perfectionist personality. She shared how she met and fell in love with Steven. And, she shared how they grew in the early years of their marriage to the place that they found themselves in 2008.
All of it is framed around the recent loss (in 2008) of their daughter Maria. For those of you not familiar with her story, Maria was their 5 year old adopted daughter who was accidentally hit and killed by their son in their driveway as he returned home from errands one day.
She opens the book with the details of that day. And my heart just stopped as I read of how she found her teenaged son holding and weeping over his sister in the moment of the tragic accident. A moment that changed all of their lives forever.
A moment where she was challenged to examine what she really believed about God.
A moment where she had to choose to see.
Towards the beginning of the book, Mary Beth writes:
"I believe God can handle my heart, my questions, and my anger. It's okay to want Maria back. It's okay to be angry. The question is, what do I do with it all? What do I do with God? In the midst of such heartbreak, do I really believe that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose?"
Mary Beth had to choose to see through this tragedy. Choose to see God as still good. Choose to see God as still all powerful. Choose to see God as sovereign. And choose to believe in his all-knowing plan.
She had to choose to see it, even when she didn't feel it and even when the events around her did not make sense.
God was right there in the driveway as her teenaged son pulled in and didn't see Maria. Will may not have seen Maria, but God did. Why didn't he protect Maria from being fatally hit? Why didn't he protect Will from the lifelong pain of this tragic accident?
Why God? Why?
The Prologue of the book is written by Beth Moore, a friend of Mary Beth's. And as she concludes the Prologue, Beth writes:
"God sometimes delivers us from evils we never see. Other times He parts raging oceans before our very eyes. Still other times He says, 'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you...Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west' (Isaiah 43:2,5).
God could have easily caused Maria to run the other way and he would have delivered this family from an evil that they never saw. An evil that would change them forever. But instead, he chose to be with them as they passed through the waters.
And with them through deep waters, he has been.
We will often encounter situations, both big and small, that tempt us to ask Why God? But, as Mary Beth writes, that is not a question that we should really ask. As her husband sings, God is God and his ways are so much higher than our ways. And he promises us in his Word that he works all things together for good. He also tells us that we will have trouble in this world. But, that this is not our home.
In those tragic moments in life, as Mary Beth so beautifully pens, we must not ask Why God? But instead, we should ask ourselves What do we choose to believe in? What are we going to choose to see? Are we going to choose to see and believe in God's truth?
I have not finished the book yet, but I will probably find myself up late again tonight reading Mary Beth's heart as she shares how she had to choose to believe in God's sovereign plan when it just did not make sense to her. How she learned so much more about God as he carried her through those waters that did not sweep over her, even though on many days, she thought she would drown in the pain of this tragedy.
I'm sure I will write some more about this precious book as I read on. And for now, I am tiredly going to prepare pancakes for my little ones who have awoken quite early! Tired eyes this morning, but oh so worth it as I meditate on Mary Beth's experiences and her strong witness of who God is in her darkest hour.
Have a great Friday everyone and no matter what life throws at you today, choose to see God and his plan in all of it.
December